BENSTAGE 19.1 Next Level Failure

The Corona Chronicles – Day 7

Yesterday was a weird day and it seems, not just for me. Mondays I’m normally in a good mood, going to work, starting a new week – I love that. Cause I love what I do, despite the stress and sometimes back and forth. The mood declines then very often over the week, but not for Tuesdays normally. Yesterday I hit a pothole somehow …


There might be a decent trend that the infection slows down a bit in Germany, but it’s too early to say of course. We will know for sure, I guess in a week. The data is always behind, so the mortality rate will also increase. As written before, I don’t engage with this stuff too much. Once in the morning and that’s about it. I know people reading every bit they can find about it, if it gives them some sort of security, that’s fine of course. I doesn’t for me. Mostly, I’m bored about this topic and it goes on my nerve. One indicator about this is, that this diary is less funny, than I thought. My goal was, to also find the funny moments in this or at least sarcastic ones, but that does not really happen so far. But I assume, we all have enough time to adapt.

So how’s society doing? I have no fucking idea. I assume, those of us quite privileged, with a nice home, a job they can do from home, are quite okay. I don’t want to imagine how it must be for families in a tiny flat, with several kids, not really allowed to go outside, not be ab le to work. Kids can be quite unforgiving. Not because they are evil of course, but just staying home, not seeing others, that must be super challenging. I never wanted kids and in times like these, I’m glad that worked out so far, to be honest. I mean, of course there are upsides as well – you’re never lonely. But I wonder what dominates right now, the better or the worse moments.


The most prominent victim so far from Corona is Die Schwarze Null I guess. The dogma not to make any new debts (on top of the two trillion we as a state already have that is) is something which really divides the people. One say that’s the right thing to do, a state can just invest, what they have and run into debt is unfair for future generations. Others say, a state must invest to thrive. Both are right, of course. It would be brillant if a state would only invest, what they have. If this would be always enough. In the last years, Germany invest even less than that. That’s the burden of a conservative government. There is no big plan, there is no vision, there is no spirit to go new ways. They just want to keep what is working, even though it’s out of time already – which always becomes more expensive afterwards. I really despite this mindset and I kinda hate conservative politics. They only do, what has to be done. What can’t wait anymore, otherwise everything should stay, as it is. It used to work well this way, right? This lead us to an infrastructure which in parts is close to collapsing, this makes us a third-class country in terms of digitalisation. The black zero (so no debt, we just spent, what we have) has been criticised by economists for quite some time now. It is also quite unfair in regards of the EU, as we do not invest as much as others. Now, the black zero is history. To prevent our economy from collapsing completely, we will invest billions. Don’t get me wrong here – I never said we have to run into debt because that’s good. I always said, if we can finance the things we have to do with the money we have – brillant. But if not, if there are bigger challenges (climate change, digitalisation, alteration for outdated industries, improvements for public transportation, fighting fascism and so on) we also have to run into debt. What good does it do, if we’re debt free but the infrastructure is run down at some point, not able to compete anymore and on top, the climate is ruined?

Now we need to invest. That’s actually a chance to steer a bit for what exactly the biggest companies invest. Of course to keep their people, but also the state, we, should demand they invest in green technologies, modernise their enterprises, make them ready for the future (which is now). South Korea and other countries did so when they helped their industry to survive the finance crisis 2008, which gave the whole country a boost. We kinda missed that. Also back then, we have been governed by conservatives. The very same one actually …


It’s really weird, there are 10-15 people I interact with regularly in some formats. That means that there are about 100 people I have no contact to anymore at all. Not that I interact with them normally, but sometimes you meet in the kitchen, having a beer … All gone, at least it’s more effort actually. For most of the company, I don’t know how they are holding up. So I started to schedule some coffee breaks. Also not something coming easy to me. I’m not really an introvert I’d say, but to a certain extent definitely not an extrovert as well. I try to push myself here. Maybe it does not just help myself, but also the other person. As we’re also in a phase of restructuring, it feels weird. Cause sometimes, when you are alone it feels like things are not moving, but they do. You just don’t see it anymore. Another thing I realised, some people are more tensed. That might include myself. Things which are not that of a big deal, escalate more quickly these days. Not too bad and it’s over very fast, but still. That’s not really a problem, for now, but I wonder how it will be if we have to do this for months …


As written in the intro, I had a weird day. Did not feel very productive or in a good spirit. Also not a bad day, just somehow not good. Took a small walk after work, tried to enjoy Disney+ but the day felt a bit wasted. Somehow, I’m restless. This week I want to start to work on one of my writing projects, but in the afternoon my energy level drops quite drastically. I somehow have to pull myself together to get some stuff done, besides work. Always a challenge, but even more so right now.

Add comment

By Ben
BENSTAGE 19.1 Next Level Failure

Recent Posts

Recent Comments